My fiancé and I are planning our wedding. She comes from a large family. She has 5 sisters, most of them have kids. 4 of her sisters are her bridesmaids, one is serving as maid of honor. I come from a smaller family: just my parents, my sister and my niece, Brynn. Brynn is 3 years old and pretty much my best pal. I’m her godfather,I love her to bits.
I didn’t care when my fiancé didn’t choose my sister to be a bridesmaid and likewise my sister was cool with it. I did feel some sort of way because I have all 4 of my fiancé’s brother-in-laws in my wedding party (at fiancé’s request) but ultimately, it’s her side of the party, she can do what she wants.
Then it came time to pick the younger roles in the wedding. Her older nephews are junior groomsmen, the younger is the ring bearer. She only has one niece, Aubrey, who’s 4. My fiancé wants her to be the flower girl. I said that’s fine, but I also want Brynn to be one. They can walk down the aisle together, it’d be super cute. Brynn loves playing with Aubrey, so they get along.
My fiancé says she wants our wedding to be “traditional” so there can only be one flower girl. I suggested Brynn could hold a sign or something while Aubrey threw flowers. My fiancé said no, she can sit with my sister and parents.
At this point, I insisted and said Brynn would be a flower girl. I texted my sister and asked, she agreed. My fiancé got pissed and I said it’s my day too, Brynn means a great deal to me and she’ll be at the wedding. My fiancée and Aubrey’s mom are mad at me, saying I’m stealing Aubrey’s spotlight. Am I A Jerk? What should I do?
This morning, my fiancé and I sat down to talk about the wedding in general. I brought up Brynn and Aubrey. My fiancé just kept parroting “it’s tradition, let Aubrey have the spotlight”. She shot down compromise after compromise (Aubrey walks first, Brynn blows bubbles or holds a sign, etc). Finally, my fiancé was honest. She doesn’t want Brynn in our wedding because Brynn has Down Syndrome. She said everyone will be looking at her, taking pity, etc. Turns out it wasn’t about a spotlight on Aubrey, but my fu**ing fiancé. I told her to f**k herself, called her ableist and said don’t worry, there won’t be a spotlight to steal anymore because there’s no wedding.
I’ve left our apartment, staying at my sister’s and playing with Brynn. My phone has been blowing up with texts and calls from my fiancé. Magically she’s ready to compromise now. I need time but am likely done.